All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
ttyl tear gas
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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