Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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