you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
