So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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