we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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