My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
