I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
