Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize