Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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