For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
