I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
