guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
