I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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