So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
