I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
