It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
