oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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