True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
