Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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