I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We just shotgunned beers for America
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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