New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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