So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
