I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
