I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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