never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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