I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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