How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
