Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just had sex bonerless
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
