Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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