on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize