Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
