your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
