PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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