We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
