he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
