he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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