meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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