Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
