she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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