Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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