Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
3 2 1 whiskey
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize