I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
