Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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