I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
