I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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