The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
