I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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