I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
