Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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