no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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