i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
BRING THE BAGELS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize