All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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