It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
