I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Randomize
