so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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