hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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