How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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