Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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