Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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