ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
