You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
