I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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