i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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