so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
