Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
