He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
