So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
