Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
