How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize