So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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