...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
