"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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