shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
the raccoons are back...
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