Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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