How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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