we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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