Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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