how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
