I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
