He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
