why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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