Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
