@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
