I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
